Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
