K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The Olympian is in my bed
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