I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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