that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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