I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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