I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize