What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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