I'm gonna have a badass scar
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
