Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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