Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
