Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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