haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
