My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
