Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
