My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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