God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
