Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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