what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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