I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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