so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
