I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
