i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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