Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
