yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
smell my finger.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
