theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
