You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
