It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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