I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I had your ass I would rule the world
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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