Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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