God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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