no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
