Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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