im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize