i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
