This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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