And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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