he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
