You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
