It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize