escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
