obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
