apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize