hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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