He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
