dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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