he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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