Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Someone came in the potted fern
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
