Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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