What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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