I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
