I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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