wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
