We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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