his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
