just tell him i said nine months
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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