They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
