apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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