dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
