this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
