I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
