Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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