my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
