Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize