My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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