1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
