I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Girls should come with a carfax report
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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