if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
