"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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