i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
