Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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