Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
