I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
