fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
