don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
