Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
